Stinky Ape

TheSkunkApeEntry6The elevator at work has been broken, so we have to walk up 8 flights of steps.

Ape just came in here sweaty and stinking. I mean he smells like someone who hasn’t showered in days, not like someone clean who sweats. It’s really disgusting. I remember when an ex employee worked here, he would tell me that Ape stunk sometimes, but I never smelled it before.

So I changed my screensaver to this smelly ape picture and showed him. He doesn’t get it.

Ape’s fake compliments

complimentI hear ape say to the niece: you look like you’re losing weight, or you got your hair done, something, it looks pretty.

He’s so gross and so fake. He used to say shit like to me and I’d roll my eyes, and he’d say:
“Well you know ladies like to be complimented.”

PUKE!

How about “ladies” don’t like comments about their appearance from asshole guys at work.

Breakfast nuisance

picky eaterI got mad at him yesterday. We were supposed to take the kids for breakfast Saturday morning. I have to think of things like this because otherwise we will sit in the house all weekend and do nothing, ever. So he says yeah ok.

He’s such a picky eater that he won’t bother eating anything but pancakes if we go out, and he won’t do buffets. There are no iHops around or Pancake houses. So I spend 20 minutes on the computer finding a place that serves pancakes. I finally find a place.

He says: I don’t want to eat there.

I was pissed, said: Why not?

He says: They cook their french fries and fish in the same batter.

I said: Ten fucking years ago you had a French fry that tasted funny and now you won’t eat breakfast there?! You eat hot dogs at 7-11 for god’s sake! This isn’t about you. It’s for the kids. Suck it up and stop thinking about yourself for once.

He walks away and sulks. I end up taking the kids for breakfast by myself. By the time we got home he was eating a sandwich from 7-11.

Cheap ass Ape

tpApe is the biggest cheap ass, even though he makes more than most of us. He is constantly asking to “borrow” money for lunch, and he has a bad habit of “forgetting” to give change back if he makes a lunch run for us.

Apparently, the niece has been giving Ape gas money to bring her to and from work. When he brought her to work this morning, he said he was going to go get coffee. She gave him money to get her a coffee. He gave it to her and said he was going to keep her change for gas. She said she gives him money every week for gas. I said you should’ve made him give you your change. No wonder he can’t keep a woman around. Cheap bastard.

Drunk confession to a Republican

confessionMy brother was giving me a ride home from happy hour last night. Two drinks is really all I need, but I had three or maybe four. Traffic was blocked and I see my favorite sheriff standing in the middle of the road. I’ve had a secret crush on him for years. We once had drinks together (with hubby).

He signals for me to roll down my window, and I’m all like “yeah, he’s going to talk to me!” He tells my brother to go around a broken down truck. I was all smiles and yelled, “You’re the only Republican I voted for!!”

Booty duty

rabbitsThe Breeder and the niece were totally flirting yesterday. They were working together on something, and he was talking all sweet to her and she was giggling. Then when we left, I noticed he was giving her a ride instead of Ape, and she was flipping her hair around and trying to smoke all sexy.

I heard Breeder tell Ape that he’d take the niece home, because “it’s my duty to hit that booty”.

Between the two of them, they already have 9 kids. A match made in heaven.