Breakfast nuisance

picky eaterI got mad at him yesterday. We were supposed to take the kids for breakfast Saturday morning. I have to think of things like this because otherwise we will sit in the house all weekend and do nothing, ever. So he says yeah ok.

He’s such a picky eater that he won’t bother eating anything but pancakes if we go out, and he won’t do buffets. There are no iHops around or Pancake houses. So I spend 20 minutes on the computer finding a place that serves pancakes. I finally find a place.

He says: I don’t want to eat there.

I was pissed, said: Why not?

He says: They cook their french fries and fish in the same batter.

I said: Ten fucking years ago you had a French fry that tasted funny and now you won’t eat breakfast there?! You eat hot dogs at 7-11 for god’s sake! This isn’t about you. It’s for the kids. Suck it up and stop thinking about yourself for once.

He walks away and sulks. I end up taking the kids for breakfast by myself. By the time we got home he was eating a sandwich from 7-11.

Cheap ass Ape

tpApe is the biggest cheap ass, even though he makes more than most of us. He is constantly asking to “borrow” money for lunch, and he has a bad habit of “forgetting” to give change back if he makes a lunch run for us.

Apparently, the niece has been giving Ape gas money to bring her to and from work. When he brought her to work this morning, he said he was going to go get coffee. She gave him money to get her a coffee. He gave it to her and said he was going to keep her change for gas. She said she gives him money every week for gas. I said you should’ve made him give you your change. No wonder he can’t keep a woman around. Cheap bastard.

Drunk confession to a Republican

confessionMy brother was giving me a ride home from happy hour last night. Two drinks is really all I need, but I had three or maybe four. Traffic was blocked and I see my favorite sheriff standing in the middle of the road. I’ve had a secret crush on him for years. We once had drinks together (with hubby).

He signals for me to roll down my window, and I’m all like “yeah, he’s going to talk to me!” He tells my brother to go around a broken down truck. I was all smiles and yelled, “You’re the only Republican I voted for!!”

Booty duty

rabbitsThe Breeder and the niece were totally flirting yesterday. They were working together on something, and he was talking all sweet to her and she was giggling. Then when we left, I noticed he was giving her a ride instead of Ape, and she was flipping her hair around and trying to smoke all sexy.

I heard Breeder tell Ape that he’d take the niece home, because “it’s my duty to hit that booty”.

Between the two of them, they already have 9 kids. A match made in heaven.

House of Losers

loserI should just nickname my workplace House of Losers.

Yesterday I heard my boss saying he was going online to help someone get a divorce, because they’d been married 7 months and that was long enough. Yes, you read that correctly.

Today I come in and see someone has been sitting at my desk, because my stuff is all moved around. I look at the google history, and someone was searching for how to get alimony in a 7-month marriage. The real question is why were they looking it up on my computer when they have their own computers? They must want me to see it because they know I’m shocked by all their shenanigans.

I try not to say much of anything to the niece, because she reports EVERYTHING to my boss. He will walk in and say so I heard Ape got lunch, or so I heard you got stuck on the main floor. And my personal favorite – “I heard you want to do an office picnic.” I said no such thing, because working here is NO picnic.

I also found out the new mumbly kid working here is another loser. He’s 22 and lives with his girlfriend and her mom, and the girlfriend is expecting a baby any day now, and they just had the mom’s house foreclosed on and have 30 days to get out, with a baby coming any minute. Nice.

Office confidant

confidantThe boss’s niece apparently finds me to be her secret confidant. She’s whispering to me about
her ex (another loser that who used to work here) and showing me pictures of his car he just totaled, telling me how he was drinking this weekend and threatening her, and she had to go to a hotel. I’m just like oh yeah, wow, I hope he gets it together.

Then she’s showing me pictures of kids. She tells me they’re all hers. Five of them! Different daddies. And none of them live with her.